These days I’m working hard to do something that many of you might find familiar: Letting go. Not as a way of giving up, but as a way of having faith that whatever shows up will lead to growth and abundance, to make room for the unexpected, that magic unknown/unpredictable factor that the universe seems to be an expert at conjuring up and that could that could take me well beyond what I can see
I find this Buddhist-based practice so hard and if feels so counter-intuitive to me. I am nothing if not super driven and reliable in delivering safely on my responsibilities, towards my team members and projects. I am known for being a great problem solver – I can understand quickly what needs to happen and am an expert at guiding things to excellence – able to ensure smooth performance despite obstacles.
Therefore, it seems so natural that when the world swirls around me, I try to align and change the world; some might call this “tilting with windmills”.
And I also know, intellectually and empirically, through my coaching and leadership practice, that true change is a deeply personal process that cannot be imposed from the outside. That the biggest changes and mind-shifts come when you wrestle with your own struggles and that’s when you gain true insight. However, while external influences and support can guide and encourage someone, the motivation and commitment to change must ultimately come from within the individual. So as a leader, your job is to help people help themselves, not do it for them.
Unfortunately, knowing this doesn’t make it easier. So, when my emotional brain battles with my thinking brain, I like to set things down in black and white – so now I offer you some of my thoughts:
- Letting go allows us to find inner balance and peace (albeit with some effort). It sets us free from taking on problems that are not our and more importantly it empowers those around us to own their own growth and journey. It creates space for magic to happen and unexpected results and outcomes
- Letting go of tight control benefits your teams, families, and communities:
- Empowerment and Growth (of yourself and others): There is nothing like feeling valued and trusted, to ramp up motivation and commitment….and accelerating growth. So, when you step back from hovering over people, even if it doesn’t feel natural or comfortable to you, you create space for them to grow.
- Building Resilience: Just like kids learn to walk by taking those first wobbly steps, those around us get stronger when they tackle and overcome obstacles independently.
- Encouraging Innovation: Micromanagement can kill creativity and can create “Yes-people”. Letting go produces an environment where people feel safe to experiment and take risks — leading to innovation. Of course, I don’t intend you just drop people all of a sudden without a plan or safety net – that can be too scary for people and frankly can lead to big disasters. But doing so progressively, initially for small things and then slowly expanding, will allow people to gain confidence in themselves and to earn your trust, without feeling abandoned.
- Letting go also benefits you as a person (and a leader):
- More Time for Big-Picture Thinking: Life and business are bigger than any one of us and letting go allows you to step back and see a bigger picture and think more deeply about your long-term objectives – something we do too little of these days, both in our personal lives and at work.
- Less Stress, More Energy: When you get the hang of it, you realize that not having that anxiety producing and constant “control monster” in you leads to a more energized, focused and healthier you.
I cannot say that I am always able to let go (and frankly, part of the trick is to know when to let go and when not to let go) but I’m finding that as I work on it, slowly, I am gaining much more internal grounding, an ability to step back and think more wisely. It isn’t about losing control; it’s about creating space for everyone (myself included), to be more present, grounded and creative.
Let’s embrace the wisdom of letting go and watch our teams and families—and ourselves—flourish.
Best,
Rose
For more insights and resources, visit my website or reach out to me at rose@rosecartolari.com
